[ The joke is a relief, honestly, especially since he reads it as one and even lets out a short laugh to himself. That teasing is something familiar enough like nothing's changed even if he's aware on some level it likely has - not for Steve necessarily since he won't assume, but for himself. ]
You can say that again. And I'm alright enough, I think, considering... everything.
[ Speaking of tempting: it's entirely tempting to just leave that right there, like that really encompasses Everything and Steve totally wouldn't have more questions. His past self would have without a second thought. But that's not who he is anymore; on top of that, he's pretty sure that's what his supposed godly self would have done which is all the more reason to not. ]
Or so I hope since I think I might still need more time for a lot of it even if I've been admittedly thinking too hard about all of it. It probably goes without saying that who I became wasn't who I'd like to be in this life or any other one.
[ "Alright enough" is something, at least, but Steve is glad that Claude comes out with more after that, because otherwise Steve would have been forced to push the issue.
It doesn't take long for Claude to address the elephant in the room (or over the mental radio waves). ]
I'm sure I don't need to tell you this, but there's no reason to assume that the things we remember are actually going to happen in reality.
Still, I get that it must be unnerving that there's even a chance of it.
Honestly, I don't think it hurts for me or anyone else to hear a few more times.
[ Claude might need to hear it in particular and especially coming from a friend. Someone he values and has come to trust fully, which makes this conversation even more important.
Though it's the tiniest deflection to add 'anyone else' as a qualifier, it doesn't make it less true. Nor does it mean that yet again there's still not more to be added. ]
I won't pretend like I've ever been a saint by any standards - even with war and what it demands aside. Not having a lot of... or really, any friends growing up meant I had to find ways to stay a step or three ahead. Something I lived by and by that only for a long time, but not for some time now when it became more than that.
Seeing the scale it could go to if I'd made different choices was unnerving. Even if none of that actually happened - if there's a way to avoid it, I'd certainly like to.
It's like what we talked about before, isn't it? Seeing some other version of yourself or a future that you just can't imagine being yours. Except this was that times ten.
[ Hearing the actual facts from a trusted friend like Sam was one thing; having the Singularity shove experiences into his head was something else entirely. ]
If there's one thing I know for sure, it's that there are countless different possibilities for how the future can unfold. [ Just ask Dr. Strange. ] And there's no saying that what we went through is even one of them. It could just be a creation of the Singularity's to get under our skin.
[ This time there's a pause before any response comes. A genuine one while he turns over those words carefully and several times over. It's a simplicity that, Claude has to admit to himself, not many of his paths of thought have followed when trying to figure out those plans for plans upon plans to consider it all for the future. Then again, maybe in sorting through it all he'd focused a bit too much on that ominous message he'd discovered in the Horizon as a surety.
Perhaps it'd be better to keep other things in mind as Steve has reminded him rather smoothly. As he exhales a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in, that feels like relief. Another path to send his mind down, anyway. ]
You're right. Someone else from Fodlan pointed out much the same during the brief time he was here, that just because we knew of the differences between our memories that didn't mean there weren't an infinite number of other ways everything could have played out from even one single change.
I suppose the same will have to prove true for whether we have centuries ahead of us even if some kind of godhood isn't involved. Decades would have been surprising even with knowing that we're here until we leave. But does give us a chance to change some of it even if it seems like the nations themselves will face their own changes when that's another path we're all on.
There's a term for it, at least where I'm from. The butterfly effect. The idea is that if you went into the past, any small thing you did might cause a chain reaction that made the future look completely different. Even stepping on a butterfly.
If we want to think of it that way, we're in the past of those 800 years. We can do a whole lot of things to change the outcome that we saw, even if the Summoned don't number that many.
That beings said, I do wonder if a lot of people who planned on staying here will feel differently after all this.
That's all a very good point, especially when it's hard to say what might happen next week considering I doubt any of us would've thought we'd be sent to the Singularity.
[ A thought which makes him rather tired even if it's equally reassuring; he did mean it about that being a good point where there's so many paths they could take before them. Something which absolutely matters for Steve's last point, too. ]
I'd be lying if I said it didn't factor into my thoughts about staying, and not long after we talked through what that would mean on top of it. Where I landed in the end is that I still wouldn't give away the chance to keep what's been built here, troubling potential future or not.
But I also would understand if those who wanted to find a way home redoubled their efforts. With all that's happened it seems there's now other reasons we've been called here besides the verge of war.
To be honest, I'm tired of things just happening to us. I'd like to take charge and get ahead of things for once.
[ Easier said than done, of course. It's just a little bit of venting that he might not have let slip out with someone he didn't trust as much as he does Claude.
Either way, it's interesting to hear Claude's thoughts on staying or returning, and in some way it's nice to know that he's still committed to making Abraxas his home, even after all this. It means he has some sort of say in all this. ]
Like ascending to godhood, you mean? Yeah, even after 800 years of it that idea still feels so surreal. I assume that's not something you're actually interested in.
You and me both. I've never been one to sit around and let things happen. It feels like that's been the case for me lately when one thing's happened after another, and I don't care for it. Perhaps it's time to find where the line might be drawn in what those in charge will allow with a bit of careful testing for it.
[ It's a relief to hear Steve feels the same; even if they've said as much to each other in past ways before in other conversations, to hear a confirmation of it is a reassurance all over again. There's almost certainly limits to what can be done, but there must also be something. ]
Definitely not. I didn't care for the blind reliance people put into the pantheon of gods I grew up with nor for the same in Fodlan's goddess. There's also the matter of living for 800 years which I can't say I want to do here or anywhere else.
Is there something specific you had in mind with this "careful testing"?
[ Because he'll admit, he's curious. ]
Yeah, godhood aside the whole living forever thing isn't really something I'm interested in either. I have to imagine that's the case for most of us.
[ His muddled memories tell him he thought that way even as he'd started to age more and more, without actually aging physically. Maybe humans just weren't meant to live that long, and so they'd had no choice to become something else. ]
Honestly? I wish. For as magnanimous as the Free Cities claims to be towards us, there's too many unknowns yet about where exactly the boundary is in what we're allowed to do for lack of a better term. The first step would be prodding along that to find out where it is, though even the options from there are endless. Then again, the extremely public hanging from a few months ago comes to mind with those possibilities.
[ He's not forgotten about that, nor is that a risk he's willing to take for himself or anyone else. ]
The easiest way would be to get involved with the military but I don't think I need to expand on my reservations with that when I know we both share them. Aside from that, the next logical step would be to find some other sort of in with the government if we have a few centuries ahead of us to spare. Those are risky odds, though, and the last thing I'd want to do is endanger anyone here.
I feel like they must know how bad of an idea it would be to publicly target any of us like that, but I don't blame you for being concerned about it. I wonder if using the Conclave to test our limits is the best option, although that means all of us have to be on the same page.
[ It means all of them, as a group, would be implicated in those choices. Which is a double-edged sword from Steve's perspective. ]
Finding an in to the government might be something you could do without the rest of the Summoned getting dragged into it, but it's a dangerous road either way. On the other hand, it would get us a little closer to the inner workings of the Free Cities.
[ If anyone could handle that sort of balancing act, it would be Claude. ]
They likely do, but my worry is there'll come a point where they no longer care as they've decided what they want to do will be worth it. Should we ever get to a point where tensions are openly rising again, I suppose we'll find out.
I've thought about the options, and should the Conclave ever make way for real changes I'd hate to risk that for anyone else or anything in the future unless it was something everyone was on board with happening. If not, it'd have to be something separate and carefully thought out for an extended plan. Or perhaps I'm overthinking it since we have being here for a while now on our side as a bit of trustworthiness at this point.
It feels like that might happen sooner rather than later, but on the other hand, it also feels like we've been on the brink of war for a while now.
[ Meaning it's hard to say for certain what might await them. That's kind of the whole problem. ]
Yeah, it's hard to know just how much people like Reiner trust us or our opinions. It's not like Solvunn where the Summoned are revered. We feel a lot more like we're just pieces on a chessboard to them. Still, we do have some kind of bargaining power just by nature of being Summoned, I think.
It does. At this point I think we're just waiting for who will make the move into that again when there's only so long the last mediation can hold.
[ Truthfully, it's sort of impressive to Claude that it's held this long. But maybe he could work on being less cynical, just a little bit. Maybe. ]
Sometimes I'm torn between whether Solvunn would be better or worse. Better for the fact that it'd likely be easier to get what we wanted to know, but worse because of... well, whatever it is Solvunn has going on there. Us being chess pieces here is a good description of exactly what it feels like, though. All the more reason to find what to do ourselves before we get played in whatever Reiner's next move might be.
[ Steve is also pretty surprised it's held this long, but it makes him wonder if it will only be more explosive when things come to a head again. He hates being on tenterhooks, waiting for the other shoe to drop, but he's not going to reiterate what he and Claude already know. ]
Especially after everything that we just experienced with supposedly being worshipped, I gotta say that I prefer how things are here in the Free Cities, even if it means that we're going to have to work harder to get a seat at the table.
You and me both. I'll take that over feeling like somehow that cult was right and there is something we're supposed to be ascending to, much as I don't believe it and want to avoid it as we've spoken of here. But while I don't believe that the Free Cities isn't keeping a close watch on us of their own, perhaps it'll mean it'll be all the easier to leverage what they know about us when the time is right.
If I hear of anything happening now that we're back, you'll be the first I'll let know.
[ Which maybe goes without saying, in some ways, given how they've worked together on various things - and while this would be something different yet, there's no hesitation in Claude's mind about keeping Steve in the loop now or any other time. ]
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You can say that again. And I'm alright enough, I think, considering... everything.
[ Speaking of tempting: it's entirely tempting to just leave that right there, like that really encompasses Everything and Steve totally wouldn't have more questions. His past self would have without a second thought. But that's not who he is anymore; on top of that, he's pretty sure that's what his supposed godly self would have done which is all the more reason to not. ]
Or so I hope since I think I might still need more time for a lot of it even if I've been admittedly thinking too hard about all of it. It probably goes without saying that who I became wasn't who I'd like to be in this life or any other one.
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It doesn't take long for Claude to address the elephant in the room (or over the mental radio waves). ]
I'm sure I don't need to tell you this, but there's no reason to assume that the things we remember are actually going to happen in reality.
Still, I get that it must be unnerving that there's even a chance of it.
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[ Claude might need to hear it in particular and especially coming from a friend. Someone he values and has come to trust fully, which makes this conversation even more important.
Though it's the tiniest deflection to add 'anyone else' as a qualifier, it doesn't make it less true. Nor does it mean that yet again there's still not more to be added. ]
I won't pretend like I've ever been a saint by any standards - even with war and what it demands aside. Not having a lot of... or really, any friends growing up meant I had to find ways to stay a step or three ahead. Something I lived by and by that only for a long time, but not for some time now when it became more than that.
Seeing the scale it could go to if I'd made different choices was unnerving. Even if none of that actually happened - if there's a way to avoid it, I'd certainly like to.
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[ Hearing the actual facts from a trusted friend like Sam was one thing; having the Singularity shove experiences into his head was something else entirely. ]
If there's one thing I know for sure, it's that there are countless different possibilities for how the future can unfold. [ Just ask Dr. Strange. ] And there's no saying that what we went through is even one of them. It could just be a creation of the Singularity's to get under our skin.
So yeah, we avoid it.
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Perhaps it'd be better to keep other things in mind as Steve has reminded him rather smoothly. As he exhales a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in, that feels like relief. Another path to send his mind down, anyway. ]
You're right. Someone else from Fodlan pointed out much the same during the brief time he was here, that just because we knew of the differences between our memories that didn't mean there weren't an infinite number of other ways everything could have played out from even one single change.
I suppose the same will have to prove true for whether we have centuries ahead of us even if some kind of godhood isn't involved. Decades would have been surprising even with knowing that we're here until we leave. But does give us a chance to change some of it even if it seems like the nations themselves will face their own changes when that's another path we're all on.
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If we want to think of it that way, we're in the past of those 800 years. We can do a whole lot of things to change the outcome that we saw, even if the Summoned don't number that many.
That beings said, I do wonder if a lot of people who planned on staying here will feel differently after all this.
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[ A thought which makes him rather tired even if it's equally reassuring; he did mean it about that being a good point where there's so many paths they could take before them. Something which absolutely matters for Steve's last point, too. ]
I'd be lying if I said it didn't factor into my thoughts about staying, and not long after we talked through what that would mean on top of it. Where I landed in the end is that I still wouldn't give away the chance to keep what's been built here, troubling potential future or not.
But I also would understand if those who wanted to find a way home redoubled their efforts. With all that's happened it seems there's now other reasons we've been called here besides the verge of war.
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[ Easier said than done, of course. It's just a little bit of venting that he might not have let slip out with someone he didn't trust as much as he does Claude.
Either way, it's interesting to hear Claude's thoughts on staying or returning, and in some way it's nice to know that he's still committed to making Abraxas his home, even after all this. It means he has some sort of say in all this. ]
Like ascending to godhood, you mean? Yeah, even after 800 years of it that idea still feels so surreal. I assume that's not something you're actually interested in.
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[ It's a relief to hear Steve feels the same; even if they've said as much to each other in past ways before in other conversations, to hear a confirmation of it is a reassurance all over again. There's almost certainly limits to what can be done, but there must also be something. ]
Definitely not. I didn't care for the blind reliance people put into the pantheon of gods I grew up with nor for the same in Fodlan's goddess. There's also the matter of living for 800 years which I can't say I want to do here or anywhere else.
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[ Because he'll admit, he's curious. ]
Yeah, godhood aside the whole living forever thing isn't really something I'm interested in either. I have to imagine that's the case for most of us.
[ His muddled memories tell him he thought that way even as he'd started to age more and more, without actually aging physically. Maybe humans just weren't meant to live that long, and so they'd had no choice to become something else. ]
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[ He's not forgotten about that, nor is that a risk he's willing to take for himself or anyone else. ]
The easiest way would be to get involved with the military but I don't think I need to expand on my reservations with that when I know we both share them. Aside from that, the next logical step would be to find some other sort of in with the government if we have a few centuries ahead of us to spare. Those are risky odds, though, and the last thing I'd want to do is endanger anyone here.
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[ It means all of them, as a group, would be implicated in those choices. Which is a double-edged sword from Steve's perspective. ]
Finding an in to the government might be something you could do without the rest of the Summoned getting dragged into it, but it's a dangerous road either way. On the other hand, it would get us a little closer to the inner workings of the Free Cities.
[ If anyone could handle that sort of balancing act, it would be Claude. ]
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I've thought about the options, and should the Conclave ever make way for real changes I'd hate to risk that for anyone else or anything in the future unless it was something everyone was on board with happening. If not, it'd have to be something separate and carefully thought out for an extended plan. Or perhaps I'm overthinking it since we have being here for a while now on our side as a bit of trustworthiness at this point.
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[ Meaning it's hard to say for certain what might await them. That's kind of the whole problem. ]
Yeah, it's hard to know just how much people like Reiner trust us or our opinions. It's not like Solvunn where the Summoned are revered. We feel a lot more like we're just pieces on a chessboard to them. Still, we do have some kind of bargaining power just by nature of being Summoned, I think.
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[ Truthfully, it's sort of impressive to Claude that it's held this long. But maybe he could work on being less cynical, just a little bit. Maybe. ]
Sometimes I'm torn between whether Solvunn would be better or worse. Better for the fact that it'd likely be easier to get what we wanted to know, but worse because of... well, whatever it is Solvunn has going on there. Us being chess pieces here is a good description of exactly what it feels like, though. All the more reason to find what to do ourselves before we get played in whatever Reiner's next move might be.
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Especially after everything that we just experienced with supposedly being worshipped, I gotta say that I prefer how things are here in the Free Cities, even if it means that we're going to have to work harder to get a seat at the table.
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If I hear of anything happening now that we're back, you'll be the first I'll let know.
[ Which maybe goes without saying, in some ways, given how they've worked together on various things - and while this would be something different yet, there's no hesitation in Claude's mind about keeping Steve in the loop now or any other time. ]
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[ But they've talked about that at length, too. ]
Sounds good. I'll do the same. Thanks, Claude, and I'm sure I'll see you around either way.
[ He's at the inn frequently enough that they're sure to cross paths. ]