[yes, she sees your joke. doesn't mean she has to like it!!]
Declan and Tiril got married, so we can't really stay in the farmhouse without being — well, in the way, I guess. Nero's also lost a lot of trust in the commune, which is fair. I think having some sense of control over our space might help.
Oh, well, congratulations to them. [ Not that he has ever met these people, but he's heard mentions here and there from Wanda. ] And yeah, I can't really blame Nero there. How are you feeling about the whole thing? Do you think there are still people in the commune who are sympathetic to what Josselyn did, or in on it?
I just wish I could do more for those of you who were stuck there. Everyone here in Solvunn who were there, natives and Summoned, they all get... that vague look in their eyes. Like they need someone to remind them they're back.
[this is perhaps not the answer steve was expecting, but it's the one that is at the forefront of her mind. she lived through something similar with the war in sokovia; soldiers that struggled to survive resting in the spare beds of the orphanage she had been put in with pietro. civilians, at a loss, having lost everything.
wanda worries for those she can't reach from all the way here in solvunn.]
I don't exactly want to think about it. For now, intentions seem to be on the disapproval scale for Josselyn, but I will keep an eye out for things that may take a turn.
I'll have a room of my own. Haven't had one to call my own since the compound.
I bet Sam makes it seem so easy. I wish I could do more.
[she hates not being able to... do much.]
Huh. Is this a non-invitation to steer clear?
[okay, now she's just joking.]
That was home once. I don't hold any real bad memories about it. I was wondering, since I'm getting a room of my own now, if I could... I don't know, get something from you? A painting. To put up on a wall. If you're feeling up for it.
I always value your opinion. Even if it's not better than Sam's.
[the two of them definitely held big brother vibes for wanda, but steve— well, steve was the first american she bonded with, the first person to see her as people, as another victim in a futile war.
there are tiers to this. so, even if steve's opinion or expertise is below sam's in this particular subject, it matters to her. even if that opinion basically boils down to 'you should ask sam instead'.]
You included my room?
[ah...]
I don't really have something in mind. Whatever you like. And take however long you want with it.
Ouch. Well, if there's any particular situation you think I might have insight into, you can always ask.
[ Steve knows that Wanda doesn't mean anything bad by what she's saying and that it's more that she's acknowledging that Sam is the best person to talk to on this particular issue. ]
I kind of change things around depending on what I need, but yeah, your room is there.
[ Along with a lot of the other bedrooms that the Avengers had used on and off, Steve included. There's his office too, and some training rooms. ]
All right, I'll take some time to think about it and let you know when it's ready. I'll have to rustle up some supplies for it too.
You know you're one of the first I ask about things, right?
In any case, it seems like I'll have to go check out my old room to see if you got it right. It's been some years since we were there. Do you want me to get you some art supplies? I can make them with my magic. Give them to you in Nocwich this weekend.
[but, anyway, here's something that's a little out of the blue. remember that bit where she always asks him about things first? it's probably in the same vein as telling him things first.]
I bet I could find some supplies in Cadens, but I think it would mean a lot more if I used ones that you made, so sure, I'll take you up on it.
[ It also means that he gets to save some coin, so he won't complain. Steve's always been a frugal type. Growing up during the Great Depression will do that to a person. ]
Hey, Wanda. I kind of got that impression, yeah. Did something happen?
[she will ask steve a list, later, about what kind of supplies he's hoping to use. brushes and canvases she knows about, but the type of paint or item to sketch with—that's all a little beyond her skill.
for now, this takes her focus.]
Yeah, yes. He, uh, said he felt that way for me, too.
[it was embarrassing enough to admit she had something of a crush on matt. to admit that he said he loved her, that she feels the same for him? what are they, adjusted adults?
it makes her nervous, because—]
I don't want anyone to think that I've forgotten Vision. That I've gotten over him. I think of him every day. It still hurts. I wish he didn't...
[ Steve's already gathered from Wanda herself that there was something there between her and Matt, a conversation had almost offhandedly while they scaled a building filling with ooze. For that reason, he wonders for a moment why she's bringing it up again, but then the next few messages filter in, her script tight and nervous. ]
No one would ever assume you'd forgotten him, Wanda. Grief doesn't work that way. But don't you also think that Vision would want you to be able to move on? He'd want you to be happy.
[ Odd to think he's saying this about an android (synthezoid?), but Vision has proven he has a soul more times than Steve could count. Wanda always saw it. ]
it wears her down, to think that she is deserving of any happiness at all, after all she's done. does it make her feel any better, to get the okay from steve, despite never telling him that he had encountered a peggy carter in another universe and cut her in half with the alternative of the shield he used as a symbol of honor? of protection?]
she doesn't know. it's hard to parse.]
I did so many awful things after you left.
[things that she is yet to be open about with any of the original avengers, afraid, still, of how they'll see her actions. even if they can put together a bit of a story from the snippets she has shared, willingly or otherwise. stephen never really told them the whole story, either.
and for one small, vulnerable moment:]
I told him I feel the same for him. But what if I lose him too?
[ Steve has been told about these awful things in fairly vague terms, and based on what he'd heard from Stephen, it had definitely not sounded good. But he'd also gathered from Stephen that Wanda had been under some kind of outside influence. If Steve's been willing to forgive Bucky for what he's done, for the blood on his hands, then shouldn't he do the same for her?
She's proven herself plenty of times over since then, here in Abraxas. Sure, Steve's curious, but he also doesn't think it's right to interrogate it too much either. He'd rather judge Wanda by her actions here, rather than what she did with the Darkhold's claws in her. ]
I can't guarantee that you won't lose him, not when people can leave this place with no warning, and for no rhyme or reason. So I'm not going to promise you that it'll be okay.
You have to decide if you're willing to take that risk, and if you're ready to open up your heart to someone new when there's the chance that you'll lose them. On the other hand, both of you still exist back home. Maybe you can track him down again, after everything. And maybe he won't remember, but you'll have a second chance.
[steve, always so practical, looking for practical solutions. the issue, however, is the fact that — well, some people in her inner circle might not really know this, huh.]
I think here is all we both have, unless we get sent back to some point in time in the past. It was always going to be a risk anyway.
[and those are shenanigans that she wants to definitely look into. but also, reading between the lines, the idea that she herself is not 'around' at present, and neither is matt, after his stunt with a building falling on him.]
He's very self-sacrificial. Some things happened back home for him, so he's been going at things alone. Doesn't want others to worry, so we haven't really talked much about what happened when you guys were taken, but I know being without his senses was... pretty rough for him.
[so it's not so much just losing him in the sense that he leaves without warning, but that he pulls away from everyone.]
[ Here is all they have? What is Wanda implying by that? Is it what Steve thinks it is? He can't just gloss over that. ]
What do you mean by that, Wanda?
[ It does sound like Matt is the sort of person to retreat into himself and not share too much, even with those who matter to him, or maybe especially with them. Steve can tell that Wanda doesn't want to pry too much, but it must be hard. ]
Yeah, he definitely didn't have the best time of it there. As you can imagine. I did what I could to look out for him, and now that he's healed up we're doing some sparring sessions together.
How is he when he fights? Does he keep up with you? We did some mock fighting on a roof one time, but I think he was holding back on me. I've never seen him fight.
[so she doesn't really know how good he's supposed to be. wanda has mostly seen the lawyer side of him in action, but she can gauge how good he is if he can keep up (or not) with steve.
just small things she's curious about.]
Don't tell him I've told you.
He got pulled into Abraxas as he was inside a building that exploded. We've talked about this. I... destroyed a building on myself, too, when I last saw Stephen. I don't think our lives would ever intersect even if we were sent back.
Given that he's not enhanced? What he's able to do is extremely impressive. The result of years and years of training. I'd say you'd have to pit him and Nat against each other to get a real answer, though.
[ Even with Steve pulling back his punches, it's hard to judge. But he can tell when someone's skilled.
Wanda does get around to answering his question. Matt trapped in an exploded building, whereas Wanda had brought one down on her own head. It's the first time she's mentioned it. Stephen certainly hadn't. ]
Why is this the first I'm hearing about this? Still, it sounds like neither of you can be completely sure that that was the end of it. Either way, I understand why you wouldn't want to bet on it. You still haven't really answered my question, though. Are you ready to take the risk?
[ And, so she doesn't feel like she's being put on the spot: ]
[well, if matt's ever open to the idea of telling natasha about what he can do, then that's probably something worth exploring. for now, the conversation spans towards something a little more important in the grand scheme of things.
(grand praise from steve, though.)]
It's not exactly simple to talk about.
[and while she does feel put on the spot, she appreciates that he's giving her an out. who would have thought she would end up talking about these things with steve?]
I think it's more of a risk for others to take a chance on me.
[the avengers, vision, now matt and everyone else in abraxas—she has never been asked if she wants to take her chances, because she was the risk.]
He makes me feel normal. I would risk anything for that.
[ It's not easy to talk about, no. Even if Wanda isn't certain that she's dead back home, it sounds like that had been the intention, and that doesn't feel like something he wants to nudge at when they're talking like this, with just written mental messages. ]
I know. And I guess that means that like Natasha, you don't have any intention of going home?
[ That had always been Steve's plan, but knowing what he does about his supposed future, he's in less of a rush these days.
This isn't about him, though. ]
I get why you feel that way, even if I've never considered you a liability. [ Maybe that's his own blind spot, who knows. ] And remember this, Wanda. If you go for it and Matt does end up vanishing, you won't be alone. There's still Sam and Nat and me, and everyone else you've come to know here.
Matt keeps talking about making me this promise of spending a day in New York together. He gets really religious about it. Second chances or something. He's made me think about the possibility of using some of the summoning ritual magic and control when and how we return.
[time shenanigans, basically. she's still working out the details, but that's a conversation to have with stephen.
and, boy, this conversation happening mentally means that wanda is on the other end just wringing her hands together, painfully so. it makes her nervous, and she doesn't even know why. maybe it reminds her so much of vision? the moment they decided to take that risk, the skies opened up to bring terror and an end to what they had.
the text comes through a little strangled, smaller than usual, as if scared to put it out there even as a consideration:]
I don't know that I can handle another loss like that, Steve.
[she gets what he is trying to say, but— but— she's never stopped losing. even with him and sam and nat, and everyone else from this world, it's hard to not think of how alone she'll be in that scenario.]
I don't think you're the only one looking into that sort of thing, for the record. And if anyone is going to pull it off, it's you.
[ Who knows. Maybe she and Matt could have that day in New York together. Steve would like nothing more than to see that become a reality, even if it's not one he gets to witness.
When her next response comes, Steve sighs to himself, aware of how hard this has to be. But he won't lie to her and assure her that everything will be fine when he has zero way of actually knowing that. ]
I know. Even with the Horizon and Nocwich, it isn't always enough. Speaking of which, are you and Matt going to keep up with the long-distance thing? Has he considered trying to find a way to cross borders to Solvunn?
[ Would it make this all easier for Wanda to bear, if he did? ]
There are many things to consider for a spell of that kind, especially with the limitations we have here. Stephen is helping me.
[look! she’s playing nice with the sorcerer! so, that’s a step plenty in a better direction, despite their history.
as far as her comment regarding this division between factions, she hopes steve knows that she doesn’t only mean it because of matt. it’s weird how the majority of the avengers (or past avengers…) who are currently here were ‘team cap’. the fact that wanda feels the most familiar with natasha, sam, and steve—especially with all their years on the run—means that she does hate that they’re not always in a place where wanda can just go up to them.
and then part of her remembers that maybe she’s better off keeping her distance.
hmm—the deprecating thoughts never truly go away.]
I think we are. I don’t want him to come to Solvunn. I mean. It’d be great if we were together a lot of the time, but he would get bored here. I think all you New York people would. Goats don’t really need legal representation.
[and there is no way in hell that she is going to go to the free cities, with what it represents and values most, with its military and science.]
[ Stephen and Wanda working together is huge, given how tense things have been between them since they both received memories of their futures (pasts, now?). Steve's glad to hear that they've come to some sort of understanding, even if it's purely professional. ]
I would check in with Viktor about it too. I know it's one of his main research interests.
[ Steve would never suggest Wanda come to the Free Cities. If she'd wanted to do that, she would have mentioned it a long time ago, and he can guess at why she has no interest. Still, she's probably right that none of the "city folk" would do well in Solvunn either. ]
Nocwich has to be a blessing for you two, then. At least you can see each other in person once a month.
[steve does the right thing in not pushing too much at the whole stephen and wanda thing, even if there's definitely been some positive progress between the two of them. that really just speaks on steve understanding her quite well.]
I never considered a science aspect to this. I'll mention it to Stephen.
[so that the nerds can nerd together.
except maybe now a focus on something else entirely might be nice. it's a little embarrassing, isn't it? for steve to say things like how it must be nice for them to meet in nocwich.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[yes, she sees your joke. doesn't mean she has to like it!!]
no subject
Oh, well, congratulations to them. [ Not that he has ever met these people, but he's heard mentions here and there from Wanda. ] And yeah, I can't really blame Nero there. How are you feeling about the whole thing? Do you think there are still people in the commune who are sympathetic to what Josselyn did, or in on it?
no subject
[this is perhaps not the answer steve was expecting, but it's the one that is at the forefront of her mind. she lived through something similar with the war in sokovia; soldiers that struggled to survive resting in the spare beds of the orphanage she had been put in with pietro. civilians, at a loss, having lost everything.
wanda worries for those she can't reach from all the way here in solvunn.]
[anywayz,,]
no subject
[ Holding group sessions, doing his best to be a calm and stalwart presence for people who felt like the world had guttered out under them. ]
A lot of them probably have PTSD, to be honest. And that's not something that's so easily addressed.
Either way, I feel better knowing that you and Nero are keeping an eye on things. Not that I would expect anything less.
[ And oh, the compound. Funny she mentions that... ]
I have a recreation of the compound in my domain. I'm not sure you'd want to see any of that again, but just as a heads up.
no subject
[she hates not being able to... do much.]
[okay, now she's just joking.]
no subject
I think he'll be able to give you better advice for how to deal with it than I could.
[ Sam just made it feel so effortless, the way he could meet people where they were and say something to ease a little of that weight. ]
Well, in that case, I'd be glad to have you swing by sometime. You can probably make some adjustments to your old room, stuff I forgot.
[ But oh — she wants a painting? That's a little more involved than a sketch of her brother, but it's sweet that she would ask. ]
Sure, I'd be happy to, but it's been a while since I've done anything on canvas like that. Did you have any particular subject in mind?
no subject
[the two of them definitely held big brother vibes for wanda, but steve— well, steve was the first american she bonded with, the first person to see her as people, as another victim in a futile war.
there are tiers to this. so, even if steve's opinion or expertise is below sam's in this particular subject, it matters to her. even if that opinion basically boils down to 'you should ask sam instead'.]
[ah...]
no subject
Well, if there's any particular situation you think I might have insight into, you can always ask.
[ Steve knows that Wanda doesn't mean anything bad by what she's saying and that it's more that she's acknowledging that Sam is the best person to talk to on this particular issue. ]
I kind of change things around depending on what I need, but yeah, your room is there.
[ Along with a lot of the other bedrooms that the Avengers had used on and off, Steve included. There's his office too, and some training rooms. ]
All right, I'll take some time to think about it and let you know when it's ready. I'll have to rustle up some supplies for it too.
no subject
[but, anyway, here's something that's a little out of the blue. remember that bit where she always asks him about things first? it's probably in the same vein as telling him things first.]
no subject
[ It also means that he gets to save some coin, so he won't complain. Steve's always been a frugal type. Growing up during the Great Depression will do that to a person. ]
Hey, Wanda.
I kind of got that impression, yeah. Did something happen?
no subject
for now, this takes her focus.]
[it was embarrassing enough to admit she had something of a crush on matt. to admit that he said he loved her, that she feels the same for him? what are they, adjusted adults?
it makes her nervous, because—]
[die the way he did.
died at all.]
no subject
No one would ever assume you'd forgotten him, Wanda. Grief doesn't work that way.
But don't you also think that Vision would want you to be able to move on? He'd want you to be happy.
[ Odd to think he's saying this about an android (synthezoid?), but Vision has proven he has a soul more times than Steve could count. Wanda always saw it. ]
And what did you say to Matt?
no subject
[difficult.
it wears her down, to think that she is deserving of any happiness at all, after all she's done. does it make her feel any better, to get the okay from steve, despite never telling him that he had encountered a peggy carter in another universe and cut her in half with the alternative of the shield he used as a symbol of honor? of protection?]
she doesn't know. it's hard to parse.]
[things that she is yet to be open about with any of the original avengers, afraid, still, of how they'll see her actions. even if they can put together a bit of a story from the snippets she has shared, willingly or otherwise. stephen never really told them the whole story, either.
and for one small, vulnerable moment:]
[the way she's lost everyone she's ever loved?]
no subject
She's proven herself plenty of times over since then, here in Abraxas. Sure, Steve's curious, but he also doesn't think it's right to interrogate it too much either. He'd rather judge Wanda by her actions here, rather than what she did with the Darkhold's claws in her. ]
I can't guarantee that you won't lose him, not when people can leave this place with no warning, and for no rhyme or reason. So I'm not going to promise you that it'll be okay.
You have to decide if you're willing to take that risk, and if you're ready to open up your heart to someone new when there's the chance that you'll lose them. On the other hand, both of you still exist back home. Maybe you can track him down again, after everything. And maybe he won't remember, but you'll have a second chance.
no subject
[and those are shenanigans that she wants to definitely look into. but also, reading between the lines, the idea that she herself is not 'around' at present, and neither is matt, after his stunt with a building falling on him.]
[so it's not so much just losing him in the sense that he leaves without warning, but that he pulls away from everyone.]
no subject
What do you mean by that, Wanda?
[ It does sound like Matt is the sort of person to retreat into himself and not share too much, even with those who matter to him, or maybe especially with them. Steve can tell that Wanda doesn't want to pry too much, but it must be hard. ]
Yeah, he definitely didn't have the best time of it there. As you can imagine. I did what I could to look out for him, and now that he's healed up we're doing some sparring sessions together.
no subject
[so she doesn't really know how good he's supposed to be. wanda has mostly seen the lawyer side of him in action, but she can gauge how good he is if he can keep up (or not) with steve.
just small things she's curious about.]
[sent back to being dead.]
no subject
[ Even with Steve pulling back his punches, it's hard to judge. But he can tell when someone's skilled.
Wanda does get around to answering his question. Matt trapped in an exploded building, whereas Wanda had brought one down on her own head. It's the first time she's mentioned it. Stephen certainly hadn't. ]
Why is this the first I'm hearing about this? Still, it sounds like neither of you can be completely sure that that was the end of it.
Either way, I understand why you wouldn't want to bet on it. You still haven't really answered my question, though. Are you ready to take the risk?
[ And, so she doesn't feel like she's being put on the spot: ]
The answer to that can be no, by the way.
no subject
(grand praise from steve, though.)]
[and while she does feel put on the spot, she appreciates that he's giving her an out. who would have thought she would end up talking about these things with steve?]
[the avengers, vision, now matt and everyone else in abraxas—she has never been asked if she wants to take her chances, because she was the risk.]
no subject
I know. And I guess that means that like Natasha, you don't have any intention of going home?
[ That had always been Steve's plan, but knowing what he does about his supposed future, he's in less of a rush these days.
This isn't about him, though. ]
I get why you feel that way, even if I've never considered you a liability. [ Maybe that's his own blind spot, who knows. ] And remember this, Wanda. If you go for it and Matt does end up vanishing, you won't be alone. There's still Sam and Nat and me, and everyone else you've come to know here.
no subject
[time shenanigans, basically. she's still working out the details, but that's a conversation to have with stephen.
and, boy, this conversation happening mentally means that wanda is on the other end just wringing her hands together, painfully so. it makes her nervous, and she doesn't even know why. maybe it reminds her so much of vision? the moment they decided to take that risk, the skies opened up to bring terror and an end to what they had.
the text comes through a little strangled, smaller than usual, as if scared to put it out there even as a consideration:]
[she gets what he is trying to say, but— but— she's never stopped losing. even with him and sam and nat, and everyone else from this world, it's hard to not think of how alone she'll be in that scenario.]
no subject
[ Who knows. Maybe she and Matt could have that day in New York together. Steve would like nothing more than to see that become a reality, even if it's not one he gets to witness.
When her next response comes, Steve sighs to himself, aware of how hard this has to be. But he won't lie to her and assure her that everything will be fine when he has zero way of actually knowing that. ]
I know. Even with the Horizon and Nocwich, it isn't always enough.
Speaking of which, are you and Matt going to keep up with the long-distance thing? Has he considered trying to find a way to cross borders to Solvunn?
[ Would it make this all easier for Wanda to bear, if he did? ]
no subject
[look! she’s playing nice with the sorcerer! so, that’s a step plenty in a better direction, despite their history.
as far as her comment regarding this division between factions, she hopes steve knows that she doesn’t only mean it because of matt. it’s weird how the majority of the avengers (or past avengers…) who are currently here were ‘team cap’. the fact that wanda feels the most familiar with natasha, sam, and steve—especially with all their years on the run—means that she does hate that they’re not always in a place where wanda can just go up to them.
and then part of her remembers that maybe she’s better off keeping her distance.
hmm—the deprecating thoughts never truly go away.]
[and there is no way in hell that she is going to go to the free cities, with what it represents and values most, with its military and science.]
no subject
[ Stephen and Wanda working together is huge, given how tense things have been between them since they both received memories of their futures (pasts, now?). Steve's glad to hear that they've come to some sort of understanding, even if it's purely professional. ]
I would check in with Viktor about it too. I know it's one of his main research interests.
[ Steve would never suggest Wanda come to the Free Cities. If she'd wanted to do that, she would have mentioned it a long time ago, and he can guess at why she has no interest. Still, she's probably right that none of the "city folk" would do well in Solvunn either. ]
Nocwich has to be a blessing for you two, then. At least you can see each other in person once a month.
no subject
[so that the nerds can nerd together.
except maybe now a focus on something else entirely might be nice. it's a little embarrassing, isn't it? for steve to say things like how it must be nice for them to meet in nocwich.
(it's nice to be able to, though!)]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)